GreenHunk and I have been insanely busy lately. I took on contract work, he's been working 50-hour weeks, and we've been trying to work on math so he's ready to go back to school in the fall. But the real reason we've been so busy is that he's decided to spend a fuck ton of time at the gym lately. He'll go straight there on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 4:45 when he gets off work, then do weights for like two straight hours with his coworker, and then I meet him there and he teaches me Muay Thai for an hour. Well, that's great as far as health goes, and working out and Muay Thai are big hobbies of his, but that means he is spending 9 hours a week at the gym (and usually more because he also wants to work out on weekends) and coming home after 8pm. Well, unsurprisingly, after a 10-hour work day and 3 hours at the gym, he doesn't have much energy for anything else.
And this is sort of becoming a problem. First of all, we've been having way less sex than usual. We both have pretty high sex drives, and I'm a lot less busy than he is and work shorter days, and it's driving me nuts. Second of all, and probably a much bigger deal in the long run...he's just been generally paying less attention to me. He doesn't want to have a real conversation most days. He'll fall asleep in the middle of me trying to talk to him. He'll give me one-word answers or no real answer.
Frankly, I can't deal with it. I'm a really outgoing person and I need a lot of conversation to be happy. My favorite coworker moved away a couple weeks ago, so I don't have anyone to talk to at work, and now GreenHunk never wants to talk when we get home. I'm going insane from loneliness. But I've tried talking to him about it and he apologizes but doesn't change. I've asked him to tell me about what's stressing him out so I can help him with it - fuck, I don't care if he just spends an hour a day complaining to me, I just want him to talk. I'm kind of feeling like the obvious solution is for him to just stop spending freaking 9 hours per work week at the gym, and I said as much last night. But I don't think that's the solution he wants. I don't even care how much time he spends on the gym or any hobby, frankly, as long as he pays attention to me for at least an hour or two a day, and that means real engagement with the conversation, really talking to me, no facebook and no one-word answers or tuning me out or falling asleep.
Am I being unfair? I don't really think so, but maybe? If I'm not being unfair, what on earth do I do to change this situation? I can't make him change, and if he doesn't see a problem he obviously won't change. But it is a huge problem to me. I've tried talking to him about it a few times with little success. This is the worst issue we've come up against since we've started dating and I feel like it's not going away any time soon. Stress is part of life. It's not getting better when he's a student, or when I go back to school, or if we live in a foreign country, or if we ever have kids. There needs to be a better way for us to deal with it.