So, I re-activated my OKC after my breakup earlier this week, and I had been saving up the crazies for a bigger post in a little while, but I just had to share this gem with you all today...

This dude's name is incredibly apropos, but I cannot share because I would prefer not to dox him. I looked at his profile a few days ago and rated it one star because SO MANY RED FLAGS. Not quite The Nicest of Nice Guys, but he's pretty not-good.

The message:

Dear {Lemonade},

Hello! My name is [Dude]. I came across your profile and thought you were cute. I was especially excited by the fact that you're a gamer, you mentioned you were good at cooking (I myself love to cook, but don't think I'm great at it yet.) I like that you're motivated and seem to be doing something with your life.

Unfortunately I have had some rather discouraging experiences with online dating. Lately it's been a lot of "role reversal" Specifically, I keep finding women who are looking for casual relationships or friends with benefits. It's been kind of depressing to me actually because I am looking for something lasting, passionate, and serious. The last girl I was seeing basically told me she was looking for the same, and then ended up using me for sex.

Past disappointments aside:

I am well within your age and location preferences and would relish the idea of meeting in person to learn more about you and see what chemistry we might have. We could even sing off-key to songs on the radio together, and I could try and teach you to snap with your left hand (I am left handed believe it or not.) Or maybe just tease you about your inability :)

You mentioned that you like sushi, that's great for me. I absolutely love sushi. My plans last week were to have a classy date at either Red downtown or Takumi on the East side with the girl I mentioned earlier. She canceled out of spite, and that was the last straw for me. However, this left me jonesing for sushi.

Take a look over my profile, if you like what you see, we could plan a day for good sushi and even better company.

Translation: Waaaah, Waaah, Waaaaah, those ladies were meeeeean to me. I'm sooooooo nice and good. Why won't ladies be nice to me? You'll pity me and be nice to me too, right?

He had such a strong start, too.