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Bad credit, judgement, forgiveness, and starting over

I'm having a rough day at work, but I know I'm doing it to myself. Apartment hunting and living with my mom has been pushing my buttons big time and it's starting to spill over into other things.

I owe $650 dollars to an old apartment complex. It's my fault for being irresponsible and not taking care of it sooner, for not communicating better, nd now I'm paying the price for it. I feel like this has been a pattern for me of avoiding problems until I'm absolutely forced to deal with them, whether it's confrontation in a relationship, mistreatment at a job, a health problem, or in this case, debt. And yeah, part of it has been working for low wages, and scraping to get by, and not having a job but the other part of it has definitely been me just running from things. I've let the shame eat me up and I hate it. I hate trying to beg and plead my case in front of an apartment manager and have them look at me like a deadbeat, a high risk case, someone who doesn't deserve a place to stay. But I can't help but feel like it's all my own fault and I deserve it to some degree.

I'm sorry guys. I hate feeling like I come here with my sob stories constantly, I know a lot of us have bigger things on our plates right now but I don't feel safe talking about this with many people IRL. And I needed to get this out before I let it continue to mess up my day at work.the thing is I have fin aid money coming, I know it will get taken care of next week. It's just the "you suck/are stupid/irresponsible" thing that's playing extra loud for me today.

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