Lord....Where to start?

Children beware, this post will contain lots of profanity.

So, it has been awhile since yours truly has dipped her precious toes in the dating pool. About year to be exact. So imagine my surprise when an imperfect set of events occurred where I would be in the company of a handsome man. Like a lovely new car, he came with all the right accessories. Glossy jet black hair, that he recently styled into a topknot (I’m more of a man bun type of girl, but it was an acceptable alternative), long beard, tats, and piercings (a double lip, which is not my favorite, but he pulled it off.) He was a former body builder from Egypt and I damn near fell out of my seat when I checked out his FB photos. Enough to see the goods, but not so many as to look overly cocky. Here’s someone that I think closely resembles the handsome young bloke.

We met in a bar, he was the bartender. The fact that he is so handsome and works at a popular bar made me pause, but I decided to throw caution to the wind and try it anyway. Not feeling brave enough for a solo encounter coupled with the fact that I share lodgings with a Christian family, my friend offered to arrange a group date at her place. He would bring the booze, we the company, and everything would be great.

And it would have been, had he not been an hour late. In a country known for it’s obsession with punctuality. He did let me know he was running late, after he was 15 mins late. I subtracted several cool points. But I thought the night was still salvageable.

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That was until my friend’s roommate, who could not be bothered to introduce herself to us while we waited for my guy to show up, made a grand entrance when she noticed the hot guy in the living room. And then the hot guy started to flirt with her. Did I mention that he was supposed to be interested in and pursuing me?

I made plans, in advance, to go to his bar later in the evening because of a friend’s birthday party that was being held there. So that’s where the group was going to go. And this motherfucker invited her. And this bitch accepted!!!!!!!! This bitch! That sonofabitch! I go the kitchen asking my friends, “is this shit really happening?

Then he tries to chat me up again. Like, “I was only flirting with her to make sure she thinks I’m hot, but I really like you.” I have no poker face and I’m sure he knew I was not amused. Earlier in the evening, we spoke about how we both really don’t like being touched by strangers. Yet, he kept trying to touch me in a flirty, playful way. Don’t you dare fucking touch me after the foolery you just pulled.

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So we go to the bar, where I am radiating white hot rage and the whole group feels my discomfort. The bitch roommate realizes that she should not be there (about an hour way too late) and leaves. Bye girl. And the bartender is chatting everyone up. But then a delightful thing happens and the bar becomes filled to the brim with people that I know. That run up squealing in delight to say hi to me, not him. And then he realizes that I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I knew a lot of people there. That I am cooler than he thought, with a healthy self esteem and do not need the validation of a hot guy to feel good about myself.

My first friend group leaves and I stay with the second friend group. He tries to chat me up a few more times, but I tell my friends what happened earlier and like true bad ass bitches, they create a barrier around me. When I go to the bar to get a drink he comes over and “helps” by calling the bartender by name and orders for me. But he doesn’t pay. Um, I was more than happy to patiently wait dude.

I have not unfriended him yet because I think it will look immature. But I will do it in a week when he won’t notice. But fucking hell. I can’t believe he pulled this shit. And still thinks that I would actually like him. As I told my mom, he used be chubby. And judging by his actions, he’s just a chubby boy in a hot body that needs to be validated. I ain’t got time for that shit. Motherfucker.

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Note: The roommate was a plain ass white American chic, which just raised my cackles because, I’m sorry, white Americans where ever they are just think that they are inherently better than African Americans. Like, they drink the Kool-Aid that America has given them that makes them believe that everyone all over the word will choose them over us. No girl, he saw the desperation in your eyes and thought you were low enough to do what you did. There is a reason why he ignored you once you followed him at the obvious disapproval from the group.

And don’t anybody reply with #notallwhitechics. Please. don’t.