My dog is flirtin’ with the devil.

We can’t crate her because of the summer’s shenanigans, and her legs are so long she can jump right over a baby gate. She’s moved past her separation anxiety destruction FINALLY, but has decided that whenever we leave, she will sacrifice exactly two books from our bookshelf. Today, she “read” a textbook I’ve had for over a decade and moved four times across country - which I was obviously hoping to keep.

The internet says helpful things like, “wear out your dog.” She was boarded on Tuesday and Wednesday, and picked up yesterday so exhausted she didn’t want to get up. When I left, she was still sacked out on the couch.

Then the internet says helpful things like “give your dog a job.” She’s in beginner agility classes which, to be honest, don’t make a big dent in her energy level, but it’s the only way to get her to the advanced agility that ... may.

The internet says helpful things like “give your dog a doggy popcicle or a Kong.” We do. She chews them. And then she gets bored and “reads.” It doesn’t matter how long we’re gone.

Ideas for protecting my books from puppy-Satan? Here’s her “guilty” face.