It's that time of year! The shortlist for the Bad Sex in Fiction Award 2014 is out! (Warning: predictably, a lot of it is basically porn so perhaps don't open it at work.)

Who would get your vote?

There's a lot to be going at in there. (As it were.) I was particularly struck by the "twitching fairy penguin", "the beast" and "sticking your cock into the sun". But for comprehensive awfulness, I'm leaning towards Wilbur Smith.