Doctor's receptionist just called. I am pregnant. Worst possible time. Shit. Shit. Shit. waiting for doc to call. I will be making arrangements for an abortion. I am devasted and ashamed. 38 years old. Fuck.

Update:

Sorry for being silent for the last 3 weeks but had a lot of running around to do. Soooo...turned out that I was 23 weeks prego and abortion was entirely off the table! My plan was ruined rather quickly. I lined up my childhood/BF as a back up plan (the adoption route) then told the SO on Christmas Day. Turns out he wants to keep it. Spent the last couple of weeks figuring out what to do, how I felt, cursing myself.

This all began when I missed my period last fucking February and had all the markings of early menopause!! Fercrissake. And somehow I got knocked up in June or some shit and didn't feel shit.

Anyhow, keeping the baby. Gonna be a mom. Not particularly feeling any sort of glowy maternal magic. I am week 25 now and have an actual bump and a moving human in my belly. I don't care what anyone says I am praying for a girl. A healthy girl. No boys.