I hate Christmas. I hate it with the fury of a thousand suns. Warning: I'm going to go a little Ubertrout on this one.

1. Your mom thinks you're "causing a scene" if you wear a costume.

2. Dragged to over-crowded church full of other atheists and all their eleven children.

3. Costs a bazillion dollars. Plane tickets, party dresses, presents, all of it.

4. We didn't grow up expecting to receive a ton of Christmas presents just because that wasn't our way. Now that step people and in-laws are involved, Christmas has become too extravagant.

5. I always spend a lot of time making hand-made gifts for everyone else and coming up with good surprises and these bitches ruin it by playing by the "you pick out one thing and I will get it and you will act surprised" Christmas rules.

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6. I'm allergic to Christmas trees, and most of the plants where my family is from, particularly during winter.

7. I don't care for sweets and all anyone wants to do is load me up with sweets. They act like I am lying, or that I killed Jesus with my bear hands. So then I eat a bunch of sweets, don't feel great about it, and I didn't even want them.

8. Christmas music and movies - SO SHOOT ME - I hate almost all of them. I don't get the warm fuzzies from a Christmas movie (except Bad Santa). Christmas music gives me rage.*

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9. Never once has anyone given me the only gift I ever want: MORE WIENERDOGS.**

10. Of course, all the family drama comes out to play.

11. My mother follows me around giving me "permission" to return any gifts she gave me because they are probably terrible, even though she forced me to pick out exactly ONE THING online and she has confirmed she bought it.

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12. We have to eat "healthy Christmas" because my mother doesn't believe in cheating her lifelong diet, even one time a year. This also counts on Thanksgiving.

13. High school friends who insist upon seeing you, with whom you have nothing in common.

14. Traveling. Traveling during holidays.

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*I am thinking I must have a repressed memory of something terrible happening while Christmas music is playing, I hate it so much.

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**PSA: Don't give a person a dog as a surprise.