You can post alternatives in the comments, but I won’t believe you.

1. Lay’s Ketchup

2. Ruffles All Dressed

3. Miss Vicki’s Jalapeño

4. All other brands/flavours besides Doritos and Sunchips

5. Doritos Zesty Cheese

6. All other Doritos flavours

7. All Sunchips flavours.

This inane post brought to you by cravings caused by my return to a low carb diet.