The last two days have been strenuous but things have improved. Boyfriend and I decided on some ground rules for making things better. So I made up a bettering contract for us.
The day after the fight we didn't see each other and this morning I left without saying goodbye (2nd day in a row). Boyfriend called and asked if I'd just left without saying goodbye again and we went at it on the phone again. He asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a break. We spent another 30 minutes on the phone and after a while I hung up. By the time I got to work I had a heartfelt e-mail from him. Saying how much he's loved me since the day we met, how he wants to make me happy but also how he's felt like he's failed to do so. How he's felt inadequate in that regard. That he did think I was pretty stubborn and firy too but that he was sorry for all the ways he'd failed me. Later I found out he hadn't gone to work and stayed home. Probably just in case I'd come home. I sent him an e-mail back at the end of the workday and headed home.
Upon returning home he said he didn't want to lose me, I said I didn't want to lose him either. We hugged and I proceeded to cry for, I think an hour. We talked for a long time after that. Calmly. I told him that I couldn't go on this way. He said he didn't see the benefit of me going away if it would only be to come back and lay into him about all the ways he is wrong. I told him that I could stay, but the risk was that I'd pack my bags and actually leave leave, if things didn't improve. I told him that I'd been trying for years to change the way we handled things and have failed. He replied that that was exactly the problem, I'd tried, not we. He'd only been aware the last two months.
So we drew up the bettering contract. As one of the points on this list I suggested reading a book about relationships together.
I don't know if this'll work. It likely won't. But at least we drew up what we actually want to change. I wonder whether our argument styles/temperaments are just too incompatible. But we'll see if we can change ourselves enough so that we do no further harm to each other or ourselves.
So anyway : Anyone have any good book recommendations for us? I know a GTer suggested a book to me before but I can't find the comment. I'm also going to peruse Captain Awkward for something that might be useful for both of us (I'm hoping to find something that'll also speak to him)