I am going to need a new pair of glasses soon. My current ones are fine, but their frame has cracked more than once and one more klutzy move of mine will destroy them. So I’ve had to go glasses shopping, and I’ve been forced to realize that glasses shopping is just as bad as swimsuit shopping and bra shopping.

I have a very specific idea of the kind of glasses I want: I want them huge, and I want them a light color (as opposed to dark brown or black). I want them not totally round, but not the square shape every hipster wears on their face. I want them to look like those massive 1970s ones my mom wore.

Thing is, I can’t find any like these in a store that will also take care of the lenses. I can find loads of frames on Etsy, but ordering ones that might not fit me and require the extra step of getting sized and fitted right is too much for me to handle right now. I just want some store to carry big-ass glasses. That is what I want.

I’ve tried Warby Parker and the glasses store in my town, and while there were some cute ones, neither had the downright huge ones that I yearn to have sitting on my face.

Advice? Aid? Help?