I've been feeling really down about my appearance the last couple weeks. Peep turned one and I'm still hanging on to about 30lbs of pregnancy weight. I don't know why this embarrasses me so much. Oh wait yes I do. A nurse assumed I was pregnant last week. While I was at work. And I had to be polite and nice about the mistake when I really just wanted to scream at her. I walk past countless men who look like they are about to birth quadruplets but who's appearance gets commented on? Mine. I haven't been able to forgive my body for looking like this and any of those good feelings I had about my body are long gone. I hate it.

And the frustrating part is the more I think about making changes to be proactive it sends me into this depressive spiral of self loathing. I need a new therapist. I know I do. But I'm too gun-shy after my last shitty experiences. I don't know how to find a therapist I like or if that therapist even exists. I'm starting to think they might not. I'm so sad I'm not doing better than I am at this point. I feel like a failure every day.