It's rare that people talk about the annoying or boring parts of sex- it's supposed to be magical and sensual and perfect all the time or else "OMG you're stuck in a horrible relationship get out now!"* But now that I'm in my second ever relationship I've realized that while sex can be more than I've ever imagined it can also be less.

The following is my non-exhautive list of not-fun things about sex:

1) interrupting your lovemaking to pluck stray fibers, pet hairs etc. from your mouth and/or genitals.

2) having differing sex drives and/or stamina. I like many short rounds of coitus, whereas Yung Iroh likes to take his time but is pretty much spent after one.

2b) He's also much more of a libertine than I am. On the one hand it's exciting when he tries to corrupt me (insert Athiest/Catholic D/s relationship tropes here), but sometimes it ruins the moment when I feel he pushes too far. I may be a kinkster now, but it wasn't too long ago when I worried about masturbating on a Sunday and I'm still concerned with saving SOME sense of discretion.

3) Getting bored sometimes during sex, or worried that your partner is getting bored. Both he and I enjoy giving and receiving oral, but we both take a while to cum and it can get tedious and kinda painful after a while.

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4) Orgasm issues. It's kind of difficult for me to get off with a partner. I'm easily aroused but orgasming is tough. I'm just now comfortable enough to admit this to him, but only after he's asked if I've come and if not how he can help. He's great about it and really caring and eager to please, but sometimes I wish he didn't care so much because it's embarrassing.

5)Getting into a great position only to realize two minutes later that your thighs are too tired to hold it.

6) Feeling awkward that his roommates know your sex noises because you reaaaallly can't keep quiet sometimes.

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7) Having to clean up and pee afterwards when all you want to do is nap.

8) Getting caught in unattractive underwear, knowing he doesn't really mind, but getting self-conscious anyway.

9) Someone smelling kinda off. Like having one(!) randomly stinky underpit or slightly sour breath cuz they just had sugar or something. Also worrying if you're fresh enough or taste OK.

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10) Doing positions you find boring or awkward but your partner loves. For example I get really distracted with 69 but he sees it as best of both worlds.

11) Sometimes feeling like you're a lazy bottom and only sorta feeling bad about it.

12) (TW) having flashbacks to former partners both consensual and non-consensual and trying not to let it distract you too much even though you're mostly like "man, this is so much better!"

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13) Realizing how great your partner is at reading your "not feeling this" signals before you even decide to voice them and thinking "See, Korra? Your rapist wasn't clueless, he just didn't care!" Wondering if you're feeling too triggered to continue or if you'd rather keep going.

14) Realizing how great your partner is at reading your "not feeling this" signals and wondering if you're bad at reading his.

15) Randomly getting distracted during sex, including by animals who won't stop staring at you or really unfortunate background noises or music. One time Glee came on during sex and I stopped getting oral cuz I HAD to turn it off.

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16) Lube breaks. Forgoing lube breaks or chafe breaks because you're so. close. But dealing with soreness or pubic hair rug burn after.

17)Post-coital sleep of death. So great but so bad for to-do lists.

18) Navigating your changing emotions on monogamy as a bisexual WoC with a straight white bf/Dom who was historically poly.

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19) Fucking on a really full or really empty stomach. Or when coming down from a sugar rush.

20) Holding in your farts.

What about you guys? Anyone else feel weird about sex sometimes and embarrassed to admit it? I can't be alone in this, can I?

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Let's commiserate and laugh about it.

*Disclaimer: I loooove sex and Yung-Iroh is Ah-Ma-Zing at it, so don't think I'm not happy. Also we communicate well about it cuz communication is mad important.