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Boundaries: having them, not having them

Hey y’all.

I have not been on Jezebel in soooo long but I thought this might be a good forum for this discussion.

I’ve posted on here only a few times, and most the time it was me talking about what a hot mess my life was in. Thank you for being supportive and not judgmental. Honestly, without some of the strangers on here I may not have ever gotten on anti-depressants, gone to therapy, or a grief support group or any of that. I’d probably be dead or an alcoholic. Not kidding. Thank you.


I am so much healthier and happier today, but now I’m in this growing pains stage. First I realized that I had no boundaries with people. That was sad and fucked up and I had to go through a lot of grief for all the years I spent getting walked all over and stewing in anger and resentment and confusion. Now I have boundaries, and I’m realizing how fucked up everyone else’s are. Bosses who can’t say no, “friends” who are crazy passive aggressive, relatives who have perfected the guilt trip, a fiance who will not assert his needs and consequently feels taken advantage of... Luckily that last part is changing, because my fiance is open to working on it and I’m willing to work with him. But Jesus, I feel like all the other stuff is driving me insane!

Going from 0 to 60 with boundaries—who else has been through this? What has it been like? I know I am feeling super angry and irritated at all the people I thought I liked before. I’m questioning 90% of my friendships right now and pissing off a lot of people by exercising my newfound respect for myself. I know there have to be some folks out there who have dealt with the same thing. I would love to hear your stories or perspective.

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