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boyfriend disgruntlement

My boyfriend has a habit of telling me he will keep me in the loop and then not doing it. Sometimes this has left me hanging in a serious way (waiting for him so I can go to the grocery store for dinner stuff; he gets back four hours later than promised with nary a peep between). Other times it's just mildly inconvenient and rude (he says he'll let me know whether we're going to get together that night when he's done with his family function; I never hear from him). And tonight, it doesn't technically affect me at all. I'm going to be at home working on my dissertation all night, and he was either going to make plans with friends or stay in and do work at his apartment. When we said goodbye, I said I'd see him tomorrow or Monday, and he was like, whoa whoa whoa, it's not like we won't be in touch—I'll check in with you in a little bit when I know what I'm doing and then again later. Maybe he'll want to join me a little later and just read until he falls asleep or something.

Which, cool. Sounds great. Except that was four hours ago and I have heard not a thing.


I don't expect him to alert me to his every move or anything, and I am not trying to control his life. He can do whatever he wants. But constantly being told he will let me know what's going on and then never hearing anything from him is driving me NUTS. Why go out of your way to tell me you are going to check in and then not do it? I wouldn't care if I hadn't been told to expect it. Part of me feels like I shouldn't care, considering I would be doing the same work here at my kitchen table whether he checked in or not, but another part of me is like, if I let this go and don't say anything, I'm reinforcing that it's cool to say he's going to do communicate with me and then blow it off.

(If I talk to him, he will have a very reasonable reason: his dad called, and then his friends came over unexpected. He got excessively involved in his schoolwork and then had to rush to go to his friend's show. HIs phone died. All of the above. He has these reasons every time I tell him it makes me feel shitty when he doesn't bother to tell me what's going on—and the last time we had this conversation was just a week and a half ago. If I don't talk to him about it, it will never be acknowledged ever at all.)


So my question is: is this pattern of behavior within the range of acceptable human behavior (as in, "stop expecting everyone to operate exactly like you do, missy") and therefore something I just need to learn to love as part of who he is, or is it as obnoxious and inconsiderate as it feels? Are you guys reading this and being all, whoa there, this naggy broad needs to come to grips with some control issues? Because I'm open to the fact that I might be the jerk here.

And yes, I recognize I could settle this right now with a quick text saying, so what did you end up deciding to do? But it's not his plans that bug me, it's the lack of consideration.

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