Yes, that's his real, honest-to-God, we-are-not-trolling-you last name. His name is Justin Lookadoo, and he is here to tell you whether or not you are "dateable" according to the Laws of God™.
From the Atlantic: 'Christian' Speaker Tells Public-School Students How to Be 'Dateable'
Okay, look. I know that in general we merry band of siblings frown on body-snarking and criticism of physical appearance. HOWEVER. We usually have no problem giving people shit for their, uh, style choices, and sweet Mary Mother of the Baby Jesus just look at this fucking guy. Look at him.
DO YOU SEE HOW BADLY HE IS MAKING ME ABUSE HTML OVER HERE? THE TAGS. MY GOD, THE TAGS.
THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE.
*smooths hair, takes a deep breath*
Right, so, substance. Apparently Justin, as I shall refer to him because I cannot handle his last name, is a sort of Christianist motivational speaker on having God-fearing relationships, especially God-fearing relationships sodden with warm, moist blankets of traditional gender roles. See, Justin has a degree in biology, according to his "about me" page, so he understands these things and can tell us whether or not we're "dateable," because science. Ugh.
Justin took a little trip to Richardson High School, located in a religiously conservative town in Texas, and shit got real, in a remarkably refreshing way. From a WFAA piece on the event:
"I've done about 4,000 programs. That's never happened," Lookadoo confessed.
AWWWESOME. Also from the WFAA piece:
This is an excerpt from Lookadoo's list of rules for being a "dateable" girl:
Dateable girls know how to shut up. They don't monopolize the conversation. They don't tell everyone everything about themselves. They save some for later. They listen more than they gab.
And from his rules for being a "dateable" boy:
Dateable guys know they aren't as sensitive as girls, and that's okay. They know they are stronger, more dangerous, and more adventurous, and that's okay. Dateable guys are real men who aren't afraid to be guys.
Some choice bits from the event in Richardson:
"First thing you need to understand ladies is that guys are going to lie to you to get what they want and what they want is sex. The end,"
ORLY? Way to internalize bullshit stereotypes, chucklenuts. Did you absorb them through the fascinating array of high-frequency antennae poking out of your head?
"Men of God are wild, not domesticated. Dateable guys aren't tamed. They don't live by the rules of the opposite sex. They fight battles, conquer lands, and stand up for the oppressed."
Uh huh. They stand up for the oppressed, and "fight battles and conquer lands." COGNITIVE DISSONANCE, HOW DOES IT WORK.
"Keep it covered up. Dateable guys know that porn is bad for the spirit and the mind. They keep women covered up."
The final coup de grace on Justin's website: comparing women to "used, trashed-up cars."
Don't forget to check out whether or not you're "dateable," you guys. I took his "cool quiz" and came out in the "DANGER ZONE." Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go schedule a flyby of the Asshole Tower: