I submit that Small Beaver creates a rube goldian machine that will make UHG's life a horror of subtle unpleasantries!!! We're crowdsourcing ideas for what this machine will do!
I say that the machine should wake her up two minutes before her alarm goes off and also somehow lightly moistens the inside of her shoes!
WHAT OTHER HORRORS CAN WE WREAK UPON UHG????
I'm a little teapot sez "hearing SmallBeaver's thoughts about her and not knowing where it's coming from" Also, Strategically Burnt Toast. Also, Pet Licked Plates In Solidarity With California Droughted Humans. Also: "ooooh sudden decrease in water pressure while she is taking a shower! I propose starting the dishwasher or washing machine 5 minutes into her shower. She will be soaked and it won't make sense to get out so she'll have to continue with low water pressure. Bonus points if she has applied soap and has difficulty washing it off with low water pressure."
Nothip sez "Only stocking her most disliked foods"
Mr. Disconnected sez "Strap her to an ass kicking machine set to 11 and walk away"
Fearfactor1 sez "
train a murder of crows to swoop over her in a swarm whenever she leaves the house and follow her closely for a couple miles in whatever direction she takes, making sure to change the radius semi-randomly. When the crows fly away, they should all CAWWW at the same time."