Are you the new Doug Barry? Are you supposed to read and respond to all your comments? Do you stay on top of dismissing people? Is it a million billion dismissals? Do your notifications show up like ours, so that every time you log in, it says 794,120 notifications?

Does it make you stressed? Does it make you excited? Are you doing this on the side? Do you have experience with this? Is this your dream? How did you get "tapped" to do this? How long have you known? Did you have to keep it a secret from us? Was it quick? Did they just email you and say, "You're awesome, write for us?"

Do you have a quota to fill? Does it take forever? Do you have rules? Do you have no rules? Where do you get information? Do you have to submit to an editor?* Have you told everyone you've ever met? Are you drunk with power, like legend says?

Most importantly: DO YOU STILL LOVE US?

In all seriousness, you are kicking ass and your articles have been a pleasure to read. I have been staying away from the main page lately and I will happily go back over there. Your voice is wonderful and you are awesome. You are, quite possibly, the ONLY snowflake who is actually this special.

*I don't know how journalism on a gossip blog works.

EDIT: Is all of this top secret, classified information?!