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Welcome To The Bitchery

Calling all crafters!

Help! My BF's mother is (back) in the hospital. I'm upset with her, because she keeps doing stupid shit to land her in the hospital, or a rehabilitation center with various hard core lung ailments, and it causes my significant other nothing but strife. But- that's neither here nor there. It looks like she's going to be in the hospital for a couple of months this time, and my BF would like me to make her a blanket. Sure, I love crocheting- and afghans are right in my wheelhouse, and at the end of the day I will do it for the guy I love. The problem is- she doesn't like me so much. She never has(he and I are closing in on three years together- two years co-habitating). I get snide remarks about my weight, back handed compliments on my profession(I'm a mortician), and one time I'm sure the cigarette that "slipped" and burnt a hole in a sweater wasn't an accident. The last little blanket I made for her was a little lapghan for her couch, and I still hear little comments and cuts about how "very small" it was. Okay, fine. I'm not even in the same state as you, I'll keep doing my thing and let you be angry doing your thing.


So the crux of all of this crazy story is- I need a pattern(crochet preferably) that creates a HUGE blanket quick-ish, and one that looks relatively impressive. I'm thinking maybe entrelac- it's very easy and looks pretty cool. She only likes neutral colors, so I can't even grab one of the afghans I've made for charity(I make them for a local children's shelter, so I try and keep them shiny happy colors). She is allergic to practically every natural animal fiber, so my giant pile of alpaca- out. Guess what- you get Redheart. So- you guys have any great, fallback patterns that are impressive, work with cheap yarn and start with a large chain?

(oh how sad crafting out of spite can be...)

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