Hello my GroupThinkers.

I'd like to ask for some nice thoughts and positive vibes because I am a nervous wreck thanks to my health. The short of it is that I have to go in for an unexpected early follow-up on a CT scan I had done on Saturday; this is unexpected because the phone call I received said "you have to come in in the next 48 hours" when I had a follow-up scheduled for Tuesday. Whatever it is, it can't wait till next week.

So I'm scheduled to see the doctor at 4:20 Mountain Time on Friday.

If you would like to say a prayer for me, please bear in mind I'm agnostic, so perhaps just say half of one.*

So, the long of it?

Phew. Well, for the past 15 years or so I have had increasingly severe problems with my lady hormones. What started off as inconvenient became debilitating (curl up in a ball from the pain cramps); troublesome (PMDD); embarrassing (black body hair growing all over, literally head to foot, when I'm blond, and more pimples now at 32 than when I was a teenager); to the horrifying (passing blood clots during my cycle that make huge splats in the shower and cover my feet with blood).

On top of that, for almost two years now, my blood pressure has had strange spikes and drops, I am almost though not quite as warm all the time as my menopausal aunt, sometimes I start sweating for no readily apparent reason, and the slightest little bit of excitement has my heart racing... and sometimes no excitement whatsoever does the same.

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So for the time I've seen her, my doctor passed this off as "Well, you're a woman, and you need to lose 50 pounds. Do those things." But she did send me for ultrasounds for PCOS and fibroids and found nothing. So, "Here's some birth control pills and also stop eating salt and also stop lying to me that you don't eat salt."

I have increased my exercise and still don't eat salt and things have only been getting worse over the last year. One brand of birth control did nothing; another decreased my "flow" a little, but did nothing for my skin and body hair; another started eating my skin and body hair into submission but that's when I started passing massive blood clots.

I got a new doctor to see me! He looked at my current prescriptions and the blood pressure issue and we talked about that and he put me on another pill. It's a certain type that does a ... thing... and it has got rid of my period altogether, which is YAY, but unfortunately my skin has gone all to hell and the body hair has resurged with a vengeance. So we talked about that and I told him that my mum almost died because of a tumour on her adrenal gland, which I had told my previous doctor repeatedly but she brushed it off. It's too rare and I'm too young, I didn't need to worry about it.

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New doc was like "... Okay, but your symptoms actually kind of really fit that." And I said, "I know. But Other Doctor said I'm too young." He said, "This can show up in people in their twenties. I'm going to refer you to one of my colleagues who is an endocrinologist." I said, "Groovy."

I saw the endocrinologist and he set me up for a CT scan which I had on Saturday, which scanned my entire abdomen and my pelvis. I wasn't really expecting anything, since he said it was highly unlikely I have the tumour. But then I got the call Wednesday afternoon. I need to come in to see the endocrinologist within the next 48 hours. The receptionist said I was a "yellow flag" file.

Logically, and from talking to a few people in real life, I understand that if the scan found cancer, they wouldn't be making me wait two days from the results, right? Right? If they looked at my scans and went "oh shit, this woman probably/does have ovarian cancer!" they wouldn't dick around making me wait for two days. RIGHT?!

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But... that's where my lizard brain is going with this and I am scared shitless. There are several different conditions my various symptoms fit into, but ovarian cancer is the worst, and... I can't help but think that must be it.

I don't know if I'm going to manage to get any sleep tonight, but boy, did I manage to channel all of my anxiety into my writing assignment last night.

If you stuck through to the end of this, thank you. Here's a reward. I made it myself. I'm an artist.

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*I can take no credit for this; I first heard a variation on this on Babylon 5 and I have always loved it.