WARNING: Insecure, whiny question inside!
I am typically a pretty confident person when it comes to relationships, and sex and such. I know I'm good in bed, and in terms of physical appearance, I figure if the person wasn't attracted to me, they wouldn't be there, so even if I can't see the appeal of myself myself, I can accept that other people do.
But last night I went on a date. It was an amazing date. We got along well, we hooked up at the end, and that was great. And the dude is stunning. He looks like the well muscled, but not overly muscular love child of Adam Scott and Zach Efron. He's a middle school teacher. He owns a side business (with employees and everything). He has a fashion-based instagram that's apparently quite popular, and gotten some attention from some men's clothing companies. He complimented my shoes. He's about to buy a house. He has a car! He's kind, and respectful. He checked for consent before moving on to any new areas or activities last night, even though we'd previously chatted about the types of things we're into. At the end of the night, he asked me to text him when I got home so he'd know I'd made it okay.
And I have spiraled into a quivering ball of insecurity. I cannot possibly see what he would get out of this. I'm fat. I'm okay with it (or I thought I was), but this guy is so fucking stunning, both in looks and personality, that I just cannot see where my personality or skills in bed can make up for the stretch marks on my stomach. I keep waiting to find out that this is one of those douchey guys who sleeps with fat girls because he thinks they're more willing to do crazy shit in bed as compensation. To be fair, I am willing to do crazy shit in bed, but that's because I think it's fun, not because I think I need to to keep a man. So where the hell is this coming from, and how the hell do I get over it?