Hi. If you were a teenage girl, or (even better) had a teenage girl, I'd like some feedback. My eldest is 15, and I feel an urge to have The Talk with her soon. I'm known for repeating myself (or as I like to think of it, verbally editing), and it will be awkward enough without me saying essentially the same points over and over in slightly nuanced ways.
We've had an ongoing discussion about sex and all that jazz since she was little, as the topic has come up or a situation has called for it, and so far, it's not been a big deal. The technical parts have also been covered in school, so she knows about the mechanics of it all. It's the ... emotional part that I want to talk to her about.
My parents were not talkers about this type of thing. At all. There wasn't a clear "don't do it" speech, but it was sort of ... sneered at as dirty and grubby and something to be ashamed of. Boyfriends and girlfriends weren't introduced at home (they were never even invited in), and there was a sense that if we don't talk about it, it will all go away. Things didn't change much for my younger siblings either. I don't want that for my girls.
So, The Talk. She's gone camping for a week, so I have plenty of time to draft this in my head without *insert pun about premature ejaculation of your choice here*.
This is what I have so far (roughly - obviously I still have to finish the PowerPoint slides and choreography):
That sex is normal and natural.
That as long as it's safe and consensual, there's nothing wrong with any of it.
That she is the only one who gets to decide how fast or slow she takes things.
That it is none of anyone else's business what goes on (a bit of a recap on slut shaming here too - you know how teenage girls can be about policing each other).
Types of contraception, how and where to access them.
That she can share as much or as little as she likes about her relationships with us, but to know that if we see any big changes (like becoming reclusive, or strange bruises, or sudden disinterest in things that make her happy) we reserve the right to barrel in. She also needs to know that no matter what we have her back, and we will ALWAYS be in her corner, no matter the time of day or night or how much trouble she thinks she will be in. We would love to meet boyfriends or girlfriends, and even though we threaten to all the time, we won't actually embarrass you when you bring people home. Too much. This is your home too, and your friends and those you care about are welcome.
That we know she will make mistakes. We expect her to - that is how you learn. And that's okay. What really matters is what you do about your mistake, and we will always be there for her to help her with that part.
Have I missed anything? Is there anything else you can think of that you wish you had heard from your mum? Am I making this too big a deal and helicopter-ing?
EDIT: thanks so much for the input guise! It has been really useful. The overall consensus seems to be that yes I am doing the right thing 'going there' with her (god, everything sounds like innuendo when talking about this stuff).
I will do a short update and let you all know how it goes when she comes home. I'm guessing she is going to roll her eyes quite a lot, I will be too earnest and a bit of a dork at times, and it will end with some sort of frozen dairy deliciousness.