I realized today that I just cannot see myself in my future - and this a big problem. I don’t have a vision for where I want to be, which is making it very hard to motivate myself right now.
For a long time, I had a strong sense that I wanted to be a researcher - and that I needed a PhD to do that. I have wanted this for so long - since I was a kid, really. And now I have it ...
Those last few months of my PhD coupled with the challenge of last year (an entire year of “am I moving to NYC or no?”) and a lack of confidence in myself, plus feeling pretty isolated professionally for the past year+ have all made my ability to sense my future so challenging. Some of this is also my normal November blahs - and it will get better on its own.
I keep telling myself that I have been through so much these past 2 years that it is okay to just take some time to do my postdoc and figure out what I want. After all, this new university could possibly open doors for me that I never would have dreamed could be open to me. I have three years of funding - so at the earliest, I don’t need to figure things out till a year from now. But with no driving force pushing me towards some future, it is hard to focus and push ahead.
I’m curious - do you see a future for yourself? What does it look like? How did you come to see it? Have you ever been where I am? How did you get past it? How does having a sense of your future (or not) affect you?
EDITED TO ADD: Since so many of us feel this way, I figured out the cause - IT IS TRUMP’S FAULT! I’m half joking - but we all likely feel a sense of malaise and hopelessness because of him. Had Hillary won - we’d all be fueled by girl power and hope!