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Cancer Cat Chronicles: Yesterday, I Broke.

#Cancercat was home from her first chemo and I was walking the dog to the pet store for everyone's food. Outside my building was a woman with a German Shepard puppy and a drunk. The woman and puppy were separate from the drunk.

In short:

Dog met woman. Dog met puppy. Drunk met woman and puppy and Dog. Drunk continued to talk to woman and puppy while I walked away. I felt bad and came back to distract Drunk from woman so she and puppy could cross the street.


After a brief verbal fight about Drunk's huge snot ball hanging from his nose, I crossed the street to see how woman was. I'm a good person, right?

"I'm really done socializing. Thank you." *looks warily at my dog as if he's going to eat her GERMAN SHEPPARD puppy*

She first thought I was friends with Drunk but even after is explained that I wasn't and was just concerned for her, she STILL was rude. I walked away saying that I was just making sure she was okay. If she thinks she's going to be able to get away from socializing while having a puppy in this neighborhood, she's in for a jarring surprise.

I don't expect a cookie from someone but I sure as hell don't expect to be practically yelled at.


Turning the corner, I broke. This was it. I was done. I cried while walking my dog around the block so I could hide and try to stop the tears. They stopped a bit but started again when I got to the pet shop. I asked for a tissue, which they gave me, and rang me up as I was wiping tears from my face.

I felt so alone. I felt LIKE a cancer. My dog was more liked than me.

At home, I sobbed more and louder. My dog came up on the bed to lick my face and see what these crazy noises his mom was making meant.


I cut off the bandages on #cancercat 'a back paws where they failed and then succeeded to put the chemo. She hated this more than she probably hated the chemo. I fed her and told myself that the next time will be better. Easier. The next time.

My mind is fucking consumed by this cancer. It's always there. How are you? CANCER! That's how I am!


It's only a cat. People get cancer and that's a much bigger deal. I should calm down.

But it's my husband's cat. It's a part of us....

Okay, maybe I shouldn't write this post at work while waiting for the baby to wake up.


TL;DR my brain is consumed by our cat's illness and it's breaking me. Plus, sometimes a person you help out will be horribly ungrateful and try to ruin your day.

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