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Can't sleep, impostor syndrome will eat me

How on Earth do you deal with this?

I’m searching for an internship, (it’s needed to complete my degree at my creative business school) and all I feel lately is this giant lead ball of dread, making me want to throw up because I 100% feel like I’m not good enough and I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.

It’s also kind of combined itself with my other neurosis of not being able to want things, because either I will be sad when I don’t get them, or they never live up to my hopes. This one’s hard to explain, because intellectually I know that this probably has a lot to do with having complex PTSD and very insecure attachments, but I am ashamed of myself no matter what the outcome us. Either I don’t get The Thing and feel like I’ve let everyone in the universe down because I think everyone expects me to do everything perfectly, or I get The Thing and realize it’s not a happily ever after ending where credits roll and the story’s done and am disappointed in both The Thing AND my irrational hopes for it.

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So it’s 4 am over here, and I’m laying in bed letting my brain run along the same old grooves because my life hasn’t turned out at all like I expected, and I'm just so afraid of getting hurt again. 

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