Oh lord.

My dating/marriage history is hilarious. When I was 19, I dated a guy we'll call Billy. Billy was 27 at this point in time and an eternal student, still working on his physics undergraduate degree despite having been in college for 10 years at this point. Billy had no job, but his parents were rather well off and paid his rent, school costs, and gave him spending money. Billy was also a recovering heroin addict. We dated for 3 maybe 4 months, and it was actually a relatively normal time, despite who Billy was. He broke up with me via text from his parents house because his parents didn't like girls with piercings and tattoos (no joke).

I've posted about crazy things that Billy has sent me before. Billy has either not had a facebook or had me blocked on facebook for quite some time. Until last night. I woke up to a series of very fun messages from him. I had to make sure it was him too. When Billy and I dated, he was always very well dressed, he had a gorgeous full head of hair, and and lovely manicured beard. Billy is now completely bald and wearing a fur coat with no shirt on underneath in his profile picture.

Here are the messages in chronological order:


"I've missed you."

"I made a mistake breaking up with you."

"All of my relationships since you have failed. I keep comparing them to you or trying to make them into you."


"Would you ever consider letting me be your sugar daddy? You wouldn't even have to have sex with me."

"You've gained some weight, you look so gorgeous now."

"Are you into role-playing? I never asked you when we dated. I masturbate sometimes pretending that you're my nanny."


Oh, Billy. Looks like you've fallen off the sober wagon, hard.

Also, on a non-related note, best friend and I made up yesterday evening after she had some time to cool down and realize that I am not her ex and she needs to be on her medication. So yay.