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Cat-on-man violence, a story with gifs

My cat is coming through a period of assholishness, and just starting to get back in my fiancé's good graces. The most persistent problem is that he stalks the dog,

ambushing him around corners.

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He hits the dog,

or he'll act all sweet towards the dog, even grooming him before surprise biting his leg.

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If he really is being sweet and peacefully hanging out with the dog, this inevitably happens:

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He's been banished from the bedroom at night for stalking the dog at 4 in the morning, which makes the dog growl, which wakes up my fiancé. And his banishment has meant that the cat and fiancé no longer spend much time together. So yesterday evening the three of us are hanging out in bed, they're cuddling, and I'm thinking "nice! they're bonding!" Then I see the cat staring intently at fiancé's groin. "What is he staring at?" I think, and then I notice a single drawstring laying right down the center of fiancé's crotch. I start to warn him "I think your penis might be in trou-" and

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BAM! Cat slams fiancé right on his junk. Let's see that one again:

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One more time:

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Fiancé recoils in shock and the cat runs away.

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Still an asshole, but at least he's got style. Fiancé laughed about it the rest of the night, but the cat has yet to show his face. Bonus gif:

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