I've made the final choice not to reconcile with a former friend and I feel really good about it!
For the past year, I have tossed around the idea of reconciling with this person, whom I will call Cleo. We have a mutual friend for which I have done everything possible to keep her out of the middle. Cleo, on the other hand, has repeatedly interrogated our friend into telling her what is going on. Thankfully, my friend has a sturdy backbone and doesn't mind telling Cleo that we (mutual friend and I) don't discuss Cleo — which is true — and to keep her out of it.
Anyway, I started going over all of the my grievances against Cleo, trying to see which ones I can set aside and which ones I might work past. In regard to her offenses against me, there was one main one that I could not let slide. During one heated debate where I took the ethical stance on an issue (and Cleo took the unethical, vengeful stance), she cursed me out. It set me off because in my mind, a real friend is not hateful like Cleo was. Plus, what the fuck, let's not be unethical about things!
I try to live my life honestly. I aim to be a kind person in both my words and actions. I miss the mark sometimes, but am overall satisfied with my efforts. For me, I realized that I cannot be friends with someone who has repeatedly shown me how unethical and untrustworthy she is. Cleo does not represent the type of person I would be proud to call my friend. Reconciliation is no longer on the table and I feel great about it!
I thought coming to this conclusion would be rough but it isn't. I just needed to devote some mental and emotional space to figure it all out. I feel great and I'm celebrating with some cold ones! :-)
So, anyone else have reasons to celebrate tonight? I'd love to hear them!