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So I was reading the comments here and I saw someone talking about maybe making buttermilk ice cream, and it's hot out and I want ice cream dammit! So after rifling through cabinets and drawers and fridge and freezer, I determined that it was indeed possible for me to make this. So.

1) Grab a gallon ziplock freezer bag, the kind with two zipthings. Search frantically through the Cabinet of Containment for a quart sized baggie. Discover you're out of the smaller bags and that the bag of sour cream and onion chips was inadequately sealed and has become infested with ants. Throw away the chips, while saying, "Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew." Run to the sink, wash hands twice (Damn you, Orkin Commercial!!!). Grab the only tupperware container in the cabinet, it probably holds about 2 quarts. Or something.

2) Take the buttermilk out of the fridge. Open the top, peering dubiously into the container. Sniff a few times, and decide that it's still good. Shake the bejesus out of the container to get the whey and solids all homogenized.


3) Decide you don't feel like washing the 1 cup measuring cup. Root around in the Drawer of Kitchen Implements for the 1/4th cup measuring cup. Measure out and dump a cup of buttermilk into the ziplock bag, wishing you had a smaller bag.

4) See that there's a jar of cherry jam on the counter. Grab a plastic spoon from the dish rack, and add two heaping spoonsful into the bag. Squish the jam in the bag to try to dissolve it.

5) Add a large drop of vanilla extract to your bag, or enough so that when you hold your face above it, you can smell the vanilla.

6) Grab the bag of brown sugar. Give it major side eye to determine its ant infestation status. Give a sigh of relief that it isn't infested. See an ant on the floor and squish it out of spite. Add three heaping plastic spoonsful of brown sugar. Wiggle the myriad contents of the bag in a halfhearted attempt to mix everything together.


7) Seal the bag really really well. Put a layer of ice cubes on the bottom of the tupperware. Liberally sprinkle salt over the ice cubes. Grab the ziplock bag and hold it by one corner. Place the full corner of buttermilk on top of the ice/salt. Top the bag with another layer of ice cubes and salt. Shut the container. The rest of the bag will be hanging out of the tupperware. This is so that barring any holes in the bag, the salt water won't get into your precious precious elixir of dairy.

8) Shake the container as long as you can. For me, this was five minutes before I got bored. But really. Shake the container for about 15-20 minutes straight, or until your ice cream is frozen. Rinse the saltwater off the bag, then squeeze out your ice cream into a bowl Makes one serving.


I'd like to point out that I didn't shake my ice cream for nearly long enough, but I was happy with my bowl of creamy creamy goodness. I'm pretty sure that I would have been better served if I had an ice cream machine. Also, we're not dirty, we just have Super Ants Who Just Won't Die. I swear.

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