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Lo, possibly unpopular opinions ahead, primarily based on my commute across the literal longest bridge in the world (over water category). Note: this bridge is very heavily policed.

  1. Don’t tailgate. Even if I’m going 30 below the speed limit [I’m not], don’t tailgate me. Like, I am unwilling to hear any argument about “don’t go so slow then!” or whatever - never fucking tailgate. It sucks someone is going slower than you want, but don’t cause an accident. It’s not a rational response.
  2. Use your turn signal. Just do it. Like, flick of the pinky and it’s done. Bam. We all know you’re turning/changing lanes.
  3. When you are driving and I can see your wheels going over the bumps that divide the lanes, why are you not getting back in your lane? Do you not know what it means when your tires hit those bumps? WTF get back in your lane asshole!
  4. Especially don’t tailgate me if I am behind other people and can’t go faster! You gonna tailgate me in traffic so then when you hit me I go into the next car and get smushed? GTFOH. I can’t do anything about those people. (I was the meat in a car accident sandwich once with someone tailgating me in bad traffic. Guess what prize that person won? Paying for three totaled cars!)
  5. Stop swerving around on a long ass bridge over a lake because you are texting. I swear, on a daily basis I witness people get SO CLOSE to going over the edge (they are raising money to update the guardrails but ask anyone around here - it’s not uncommon to hear someone flew over the edge of the bridge). Terrifying!
  6. Slower traffic mandated in the right lane doesn’t mean everyone in the left lane has to go as fast as you want them to. The speed limit isn’t 1000 mph just because you’re in the left lane. I’m gonna be in the left lane until I pass the slowpokes in the right lane, rather than slam on my brakes and get in the right lane behind them to let you pass! Also, you’re not going to like that! You’ll end up going slower! Then, see item 1.
  7. Don’t give me the side eye when you run a stop sign you dickbag! (Not from bridge)

There’s also are really stark differences in the bad driving between where I live (New Orleans, city of aggressive rule breakers, stop and go, and lower speed) and where I work (suburbia, land of the overly courteous yet texting while driving giant SUVs on high speed country highways drivers). It’s weird! It’s not that far!

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