In an ideal world, I'd do this in a more refined manner. In an ideal world, this would come in a clever story. But it's time, GroupThink. It's time for you to learn the Origins of Carol.

Basically, it boils down to: douchebro hit on old roommate at a bar. Roommate did not enjoy attention but lacked ability to stand up for herself. Enter: FluterDale. I did my thing. (It's what I'm good for.) He and I shared animosity-filled eye contact for about fifteen seconds and he announced, "I'm gonna call you Carol. Do you want to know why?"

I did not, but as you may have guessed: he told me anyway.

"I'm going to call you Carol. Because bitchy girls are always named Carol."

I'm not sure if he intended for it to end the conversation (with me crying!) or if I was supposed to get indignant and demand my name be Fluter. I went with it. He lost patience quickly thereafter and left my roommate alone. But never - NEVER - did he leave our memories.

For two consecutive Halloweens, I wore a witch costume with a nametag that read, "Hi, my name is Carol."

During bad weeks, I warn people that Carol is visiting. During finals which immediately precede Christmas, I am frequently over-stressed and impatient. We call this "Christmas Carol-ing."


So Carol has come out to play a lot, lately. She flares up especially when people have reading comprehension fails or a major case of Special Snowflake Syndrome in comments. Had I the technological ability, I would make something like a combination of the below. Preferably with glitter and flashing. (I may or may not have lost my temper and started using one or both in alternation.)

Want to do it for me? Carol thanks you.