Several weeks ago, my husband and his sister and brother plotted a grand plot to surprise my MIL on Christmas morning. The last time that she had all her kids together on Christmas day was 13 years ago. The idea is that the surprise is part of my MIL's gift, as she thinks we aren't arriving until the day after Christmas.

My husband and his siblings had the plan all worked out. Suddenly yesterday afternoon, we got a text from my BIL saying that he "may" have a conflict for Christmas morning. He works overnights, so the original plan was that he would come home from work, shower, get a couple of hours of sleep, and then we'd all go out to MIL's house together for the big surprise. We are staying at SIL's house on Christmas Eve and Santa will be leaving gifts for her kids and ours there, so that would give us time to let the kids open stockings and eat some breakfast so they aren't starving when they get to Grandma's.

"What is the conflict?" you might wonder, "Is it work related?" WHY, NO! It isn't. My BIL wants to "exchange gifts" (more like bodily fluids) with his girlfriend at his house first. Then he "needs" to take her grandparents' house for Christmas there. Then he would come out to MIL's "for a little bit" with his GF, so we can all meet her (oy), then take the her back to her parents' house, have Christmas with them, come back to MIL's house, then mid afternoon drive back into town to pick up his daughter and bring daughter and GF back to MIL's for the evening.

This is just all so HARD on him, you guys, and he is worried about when he will sleep. Here's a simple solution: do what you'd originally planned and THEN go do all the shit with your GF. Whatever. Just don't ruin the intent of the freaking surprise, right?

Now, you may be asking some questions, like "How old is this selfish dipshit who is taking away from his own mother's grand Christmas surprise by prioritizing his weiner?" He is 32, people. Old enough not to be such a jackass. We feel like he's completely lost track of what the surprise was about and making the day all about him and his new GF, rather than about family.

And "Who is this GF?" you might also ask. Christmas day will be their 4 month anniversary. She is 10 years younger than him, and she is his neighbor's daughter. She is NOT the mother of his 10 month old daughter (the mother is also 10 years younger and the daughter of one of his coworkers...do you see a trend developing?). This will be the 4th Christmas in 5 years with a different girl. If he doesn't watch out, by next Christmas he'll be paying child support x 2 and bringing yet some other girl over.

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My SIL tried to broach the subject with him gently, to remind him that the day is about MIL, and that we are driving 5 hours (with me 7 months pregnant and coming over 2 days early) to make this happen, but he is obviously blinded by his willy and immune to all logic at this point. This, my friends, is why I may kill my BIL.