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I’ve accidentally on purpose tapered myself offmy meds. Paradoxically because I was feeling stressed and depressed. I’ve been having such a hard time finding a doctor to take my insurance that I let my prescription lapse almost a month and have been stretching my meds or just forgetting to take them. Plus I’m stressed and super super busy so I haven’t been exercising, and because of my budget I’ve been under eating and filling up on carbs because they’re cheap. I’ve gained some weight and lost some muscle tone and I ache a lot and feel unattractive and today I lost some major productivity time because I just had to sleep because I was so sad.

It feels like the national security net has failed me. I’ve had so much trouble getting help for food and medicine and employment and no one is being at all helpful.

Fuck I just wish I could be normal. Not have to deal with this chronic condition. Even during my good times I have to make sure I don’t overwork myself or else I will go crazy. But I need money and I need to work. It really is a disability.
The three things I really want right now are a bike (some ass hole stole mine last year and I love biking like nothing else), a new bathing suit (and the confidence to fill it out) and a ticket to the movies. I want to escape my life.

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