1. I talk baby talk to my cats, including calling them "dweet boys," "duh BAYBAYS," and "widdle."

2. I have trained my cats. They know many, many commands: come here, sit pretty, lay down, get down, hush, go outside, hungry?, time to come in, time for bed, no, naughty, shake, and gimme kisses. I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting. That's a lot of time and energy.

3. They each have many, many nicknames.

4. HomeyHeart and I call each other "Mama" and "Papa" when talking to (and for) the cats: "Go tell your Papa." "Who wubs dis boy?! Must be hims Mama!"

5. I anthropomorphize them in the most annoying ways: "Me 'n Cat 1 are sweepy!" "Cat 2's not talking to me today!" "Cat 1 said he wants Papa to bring flowers home for Mama!"

Advertisement

6. I've seriously considered buying vests and ties for each cat, though I've not gone through with it... yet.

7. I'd really like to get a 3rd cat but I'm afraid it would "hurt Cat 1's feewers."

8. In grad school, I cried because I worried I was neglecting the boys.

9. I think, talk, and now write about my cats more than is normal or possibly even healthy.

Advertisement

I know, I know. All this makes me insufferable. Completely and totally annoying. And if you want to avoid or ignore me because I'm so weird about my cats, I totally understand.

Anyway, I can always come home to the boys. ;)