So, background: I just worked a 13 hour day. Damn yo. Also it has been roughly the same temperature as the surface of the sun here, so I have sweat myself into an unrecognizable disgusting mess. Plus the hunger and thirst for sweet sweet lady vodka and the romantic longing for my couch that is part and parcel with a 13 hour day.

SO

BoyHeathen and I car poooled to work today and are driving ourselves home when we pass by a Walmart. This is a good thing, we naively think, we need a new fan for the bedroom so as not to roast! We need jug of distilled water for a new batch of cold brew and a side of frozen veg for our dinner and like, I needed some hair ties. We use the note maker function on the handy dandy cellular to make a succinct list, it is not long and everything on it is in a pretty findable place.

Inevitably, about ten minutes into this trip the wandering begins. The random thoughts of “hey, didn’t we need this?” or “real quick I just want to check on...” We end up standing in front of the Disney paint chips seriously debating “Sleepover Scare” versus “Eeyore’s Rain Cloud” as a possible bathroom color (are you planning to paint your bathroom, you ask? No, no we are not) I glance at the watch portion of my phone- dear god we’ve been in this godforsaken store for nearly an hour!

I truly believe Walmart either slightly messes with the oxygen content or pumps some sort of slightly anesthetizing gas in through the vents to get people to wander around and thus buy more crap. This is my conspiracy, and I feel it is both more crazy while also being more plausible than chemtrails. Wake up sheeple!