Me: I want to add more colors to the living room, since everything is brown.

Mr. Cunning: What about tan?

Me: ...Tan is a kind of brown.

Mr. Cunning: What?! No it’s not! It’s TAN .

*shopping in Target*

Me: The girl and I found some new decorations! Want to see?

Mr. Cunning: As long as they’re not gaudy, I don’t care.

Me: Um... what do you mean by ‘gaudy’?

Mr. Cunning: You know, like that. *points at a gold giraffe*

Me: Oh. *hides gold rhino under her purse*

Said gold rhino:

*after revealing the gold rhino*

Mr. Cunning: Oh god. No.

Me: But we’ve named him.

HM: We’re going to call him ‘Bill.’

Mr. Cunning: *sighs and walks away*

Mr. Cunning: I suppose if we’re going to fancy up the living room, we should do something with it.

Me: Like what?

Mr. Cunning: Invite people over?

Me: Huh. You’re right. Like who?

Mr. Cunning: ...Okay, maybe we need to make some friends first.