This is what happens when you date one of your best guy friends after you spent two years being total, but loving, assholes to each other.
I'm pink, he's blue. CUZ THAT'S HOW COLORS WORK GUISE.
This is why I don't have friends. This is why I can't have nice things.
ETA - I have now resorted to sending him tit pics in an attempt to distract him from his Cheetos and PS4. I am unsure if this plan of action is taking effect. Will report back with more conclusive results tomorrow. Fluffybutt, over and out.