Every time someone posts something asking for tips about cramp remedies, a certain percentage of folks jump into the fray talking up the healing powers of orgasms.

It absolutely does not work for me because I feel entirely out of the mood when I'm doubled over in pain with blood being released from my loins like that elevator in The Shining.

The first time I attempted the ol' Orgasm Remedy, I masturbated on my own but the pain overwhelmed me and I had to stop. The second time I started up right when my period started but the cramps hadn't set in. I had an ok orgasm that seemed to be purely physical. Still got cramps later that day.

I suppose maybe the issue is that I absolutely do not feel like doing anything sex related when I'm bloated and vaguely irritated that my uterus likes to remind me that I'm not carrying a fetus by flushing itself out every month.

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Thanks, Uterine Lining. I couldn't have guessed from all the sex I'm not having.

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So, please tell me what I'm doing wrong or not doing wrong. Are there other women who just can't orgasm during their periods? Are there tips to getting this right so that the cramps are relieved? Or should I just stick to my tried-and-true method of 2 Advil LiquiGels when I feel the cramps coming on?