I luuuurve crap TV. Don’t get me wrong, I love great TV too (genuflects in the direction of The Good Place) but something about sitting down to watch junk seems incredibly decadent. I am a bit concerned at my inexplicable fondness for the NCIS franchise though. Is it just one of those things that happens with age? Like you hit 40 and get a memo that says, “Yup, you’re watching three (3!) separate shows a week and also starting to complain about the youths. No, you can’t get out of it”.

Crap TV either really delivers or really falls short. On the plus side we have Legacies. It’s completely unserious and hilarious. It has all the hallmarks of the CW: 30yo high school students, their 40yo parents/school teachers, and ridiculous high school drama that allows for over the top emoting from all sides. There are implausible monsters and mysteries and while it sort of has a running plot it’s understood that shit will go down with absolutely no loyalty to whatever has gone before. It’s gloriously awful and I love it.

Sigh. Then we have Charmed. I really wanted to love new Charmed. The old one is hilarious with the special effects and the wardrobe that only a raver could love. This new version, it’s so…flat. All of the Charmed Ones have characteristics, but nothing behind them. So you get three bland main characters: the virgin nerd, the “I’m always right” lesbian women’s studies professor, the empty-headed sorority girl with a big heart. Really all it does is set up questions. Like why is the sorority girl so focused on pledging? Why is the virgin nerd being weirdly jealous of a crush’s new girlfriend? Why is the professor so eye-rolling-ly annoying? At least they are still on point with ridiculous wardrobes.

I’m at the point where I feel like the current show was written by a guy who kinda hates women? It seems like these characters are written to highlight the shittiest stereotypes. They also seem incredibly young and unfinished too. At least in old Charmed they were older and had things like actual (albeit implausible) jobs and responsibilities that fleshed out the characters. And yes, Phoebe was the flake, Piper the nurturer , and Pru the bitch they were much less locked into those categories and their weaknesses were played for light amusement.

The show kind of seems to hate magic as well. And despite all the fuss about how new Charmed would be multicultural etc the only nods to that are saying the spells in Spanish. Occasionally the spells are accompanied with jazz hand moves which may just be the actors amusing themselves (I know I’d need something funny to look forward to).

On the plus side, due to a time spell (too stupid to explain) the “professor” missed her interview, and is no longer a professor and has suddenly realized that she doesn’t want a PhD because academia is hard. Although the head of the Women’s Studies department is still a man (he’s also the White Lighter assigned to them but still, come on).

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Honestly the CW should have just started re-running the old show instead. It’s far more enjoyable and holds up pretty well. Aaron Spelling knew what he was doing.

What crap TV show have you been watching? Let us know cause goodness knows we need the distraction from reality!