Hi everyone. I've been asked to do a radio interview about the Miley piece that would tape tonight. I initially said yes, but now I'm not so sure. I feel like this thing has gotten SO BIG and I really didn't mean for it to, and I'm so uncomfortable with the attention. I've been popping in an out at random to deal with it as I can, but I woke up this morning to even more racist drivel on my blog and I just CAN'T anymore. Somehow it's so much more hard to deal with when it's directed at me specifically.
I really don't like the attention this has brought down on me, and I kind of want to just stop talking about it. I seriously considered just closing comments on my blog for a week or two to let this blow over.
But I talked to my mom and she thinks that I have to stand by the piece and defend it. On principle, I agree with her, but I just hate that there are still going to be people who insist on making it about me, personally, and how I'm racist, and how I personally am the scourge of the earth. I wasn't kidding about the ambivert thing. I'm only confident in familiar settings and this is as unfamiliar as it gets. Now I feel like hiding for a good long while to make sure everyone forgets me. It's stopped being fun. It's stopped being cool. Now I just feel attacked, and this is still only like level 1 of internet backlash.
My major concern is that if I do the interview I'll breathe new life into this, and I honestly want it to die. I don't have thick enough skin. I don't want people questioning my motives for doing it because I don't want ANOTHER thing to have to defend myself against. But on the other hand, I think somewhere deep down, I know my mom is right. Like... where would we be if everyone who was ever challenged just backed down? But I also feel like there are people who have been doing this way longer than me who are better qualified to talk about this. There's a reason that I sourced so many people. I DON'T have all the words or the answers, and now I feel like people expect me to. I didn't mean to be a crusader, I just wanted to help change this one small corner of the internet that I love, and make it more inclusive to all women.
And that isn't to say that I don't appreciate the support you guys have given me. you guys are awesome, and I LOVE my trouser award :) But the negativity REALLY gets to me. I'm a huge fucking baby.
So I'm asking you guys; should I do the interview?
ETA: Took a break and came back to all this awesome advice. Thank you. The consensus seems to be that I should do it, but only if isn't impacting my mental health.
I'm going to do it. I think I always knew I should, but I needed to hear it from people who hadn't been overwhelmed by a racist shitshow for two days. You guys brought up great points and I really considered it all. I think what I might do is take some time to write up all the points I want to make so that I have them on hand as a cheat sheet. I'm also gonna make sure to mention some of the other black writers that I've learned from, and remember to encourage people to expand the conversation past me and my article, and look at the way the SIFWW concept expands into other situations.
I think that might be the best I can do. Double down on my article, stand by it, and encourage people to keep looking for the answers within the plethora of resources that is feminist black thought.
I really, REALLY am drained by this though, so I think that after the interview, I may post one last summary of the situation, and then never speak of this again. This will be day three I've spent dealing with this instead of looking for a REAL job that pays MONEY. lol.