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Oh god. First time feeling overwhelmed and hating myself again at work. So I'm pumping at work and there's all this literature in the room about the benefits of breastfeeding and I'm reading it and feeling like shit. Because Baby Haa is officially getting over half of her bottles from formula and I haven't nursed her for almost a week. It talks about how good breastfeeding is and how doing it for extended amount of time is so great. I want to cry. Because I don't feel that bond when I breastfeed. I hate breastfeeding and how it makes me feel. Like a big fucking loser. I don't feel like a mom. I feel like I'm trying to fool myself and everyone around me into thinking I could be a mom. I'm not cut out for this.

ETA: oh and I forgot we're going to see my SIL and her new baby this weekend. I'm sure ill get to feel inadequate as a mother while I watch her breastfeed her newborn and take care of her other 3 children. I can't even handle one.


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