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Current Mood: Ugh (TW cancer, existential crises)


A coworker and friend of mine woke up yesterday, was too dizzy to drive his car, and fast forward to now: is on deck to get a mass the size of a golf ball removed from his brain. They won’t know what it is - cancer? Benign? Malignant? - until they take it out tomorrow morning.


I work from home Mondays and so I didn’t know anything was up until this morning when he posted about it on FB. I went into the office and everyone was feeling weird and no one wanted to work, obviously.

I spent the first few hours of the morning in the hospital with a few other people, his girlfriend, and him - we talked. I cracked jokes. He was in good spirits (he’s a positive and funny guy) but you can tell he’s scared. Of course he is. I’d really have a shit Christmas knowing he went into surgery without getting very many hugs and kind words from people he might want to see.


I feel so anxious and depressed. This guy is 33. I feel so selfish when I get terrified about my own death. I don’t want him to be sick partly for him, and partly for me.

I truly hope someone who is close to him (physically) will keep me posted.

I had been thinking he was smoking a lot of weed lately. He was having difficulty forming real sentences. He was losing words, speaking slowly. When we were sitting with him this morning he said he was relieved that there is an explanation. He thought he was going crazy - feeling “wrong” in an undefinable way.


Hug everyone you love because who fucking knows, man.

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