That's all. I'm sick of the special snowflake population that frequents our store and dealing with everybody's baby fits about their fucking coffee.

No, we don't brew light blends after 12, we're happy to brew you some individually but it will take a few minutes. Grimacing and rolling your eyes like an overgrown 13 year old doesn't make any brew magically appear, nor does it shorten your (in the grand scheme of things, actually very short) waiting time. Also, please don't get nuclear-level pissed that I ran out of drink carriers mid shift when you only have 2 beverages and you're driving a CRV, when I know that bitch must have AT LEAST 12 cup holders.

Stoned-yet-somehow-still-bitchy teenagers, NO I can't put a dome lid on a hot green tea and then fill it with whipped cream because A. It's not physically MADE to fit the hot cups B. You'll spill it everywhere and burn the shit out of yourselves and blame me and C. A hot green tea with WHIPPED CREAM? YOU'RE GROSS. YOUR DRINK IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.

Strippers that work around the corner- your nails scratch me every time and I don't like having to open the damn safe to break a $100 for your $2.44 order. (I mean, good for you. Make that paper. Just PLEASE consider your fellow service industry workers and don't get an attitude when I ask you for a smaller bill.

ALSO, FUCK YOUR FRAPPUCCINOS.

Signed,
Cranky Barista