I’m a dog person. I like furry critters who like to climb on my lap and keep me warm; who want to give me kisses when they see me; who want to be petted all the time, even when they’re sleeping; who are sweet and attentive and want me to be happy. I may be dating a human/canine hybrid. And I don’t mean like “man, that guy is a real dog!” I mean like “OMG PUPPY! MINE MINE MINE!” He’s not that hairy. But he’s hilariously deadpan and he has a bit of a funny nose so I think he may be a pug. I’m dating a pug.

Have you ever had a relationship where everything seems to just work to an extent that it makes you wonder when you’re going to figure out what’s wrong, where you try to figure out if he’s actually a stalker or this is all just to get you to let your guard down so he can really sink his teeth in or maybe he secretly has a wife and kids that he’s hiding from you or something? Well, the relationship is going that well… and I’m not suspicious. Actually, I’m kind of suspicious that I’m not suspicious, but meta-angst seems like going a bit overboard, so I make fun of myself when I go there.

I had that problem with DeposedDespot. About 6 months into the relationship, I told him that I hadn’t been treating him well enough because I was suspicious that he was secretly an asshole and I would find that out any moment; yeah, don’t do that. That did not go over well.

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Cute Boy Person is so nice to me, you guise, like majorly sweet to me. I’ve known him for a long time and he’s been pretty sweet about my health for years. He and I have been going out to eat at least once a week for over 2 years and it can be problematic to work around my food allergies, but he’s always been really good about it. For years, we’ve gone to a monthly event and then gone out for dinner, even when I was with DeposedDespot. For a while now I haven’t been able to eat pizza, but the event that we do before dinner supplies pizza so I sit there watching other people eat food that I really miss. Sometimes, I even have to supply the pizza. He’s known for a while how depressing it is for me when I go to an event with food and there’s nothing for me to eat. For all of this year, he’s been treating me to a nice dinner afterwards so while I’m sitting there trying to hide that I'm feeling sorry for myself, I have even better food to look forward to.

Now there are restrictions on him; if he eats apples, macadamia nuts, or curry, I can’t kiss him without risking a trip to the ER. No problem. He’s started using gluten-free pasta and that means that he can cook dinner for me. To me, these things are pretty major accommodations and he treats it like it’s no big deal. It’s what needs to happen, so that’s that. I can only have certain kinds of alcohol and we watched Sharknado, which required quite a lot of alcohol, so he texted me from the liquor store to get the drink list approved.

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He said my iOS post was "magnificent." The Cleansening is paused in the middle of a toiletries purge and has been stuck there for a week. Today, I told him that I wanted to take my temperature but I didn't know where the ear thermometer was. He told me where to stand in the living room and which object to look at from that view to find it. I like smart guys; that was some impressive memory feat. Drool. He's still trying to write his own operating system because he's been bored with programming. Such a nerd.

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And he’s so affectionate. He always wants to cuddle with me when we watch movies. He wants to sleep curled up with me at night. This is apparently typical behavior for him; he’s said that some women have had a problem with that. He’s at romcom stereotype woman level touchy-feely. Last week we watched a movie where something happened that he thought might trigger me and he had his arm around me; his instinct was to squeeze my shoulder to remind me that he was there. I told him later that it was nice and he didn't recall doing it. I was awake in the middle of the night last week and there were some noises that freaked me out a bit, so I climbed into bed with him, which made him immediately roll over to be the big spoon and then I felt better. When I told him in the morning, he huffily said “You’re just using me as your interactive security blanket!” (See aforementioned deadpanness.)

We’ve been friends for a long time and he’s liked me for years; I can't even conceive of him being abusive or obsessive. He’s walking that fine line of awesome without even getting close to the bad dude zone. He genuinely cares about me and is genuinely considerate. It’s not even throwing me for a loop; it’s just completely natural that we went from effectively dating but with no physical contact to high-impact relationship, quite literally overnight. He trains for Tough Mudder out of town but when he’s in town, we spend almost every night together. We’ve reached “leaving device power cables at each other’s apartments” phase and it hasn’t even been a month.The Cleansening has slowed down a lot, because dates and fooling around. Plus, Tough Mudder is next weekend, so his training has increased.

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But I’m happy. I’m genuinely happy and that doesn’t scare me at all. It’s like I’m an adult or something. I actually feel a bit weird talking about it because I know that so many of you are having relationship troubles or lack of relationship troubles and here I am, being content like a total jackass. But I know that some of you look forward to the Cute Boy Person updates, so I guess I'm going to be that person. I have a pugicorn.