CBP gave me some homework to do before he comes back tonight. While I still have a ton of laundry to do, he still has some furniture to move and he wanted me to clean out a cabinet/dresser thing so he could move it tonight. He cleaned out a cabinet/desk last night and he cleaned the bedside cabinets that I have, but only the outside. When he moved one of them, I told him "just unplug whatever. It's fine."
And of course, what I meant is "yeah, those white cords hanging out of that drawer by my bed? Hitachi Magic Wand and Wahl massager. Cause if it ain't got a kickstart, it ain't worth my time." I didn't see him open the naughty drawers but I was keeping my eye on it so I could at least warn him. "Oh hey, I know you might want t open that top drawer to move that thing easier but... that's the dildo drawer. You know, FYI."
I try to warn him when he might be getting into something naughty, but I figure: dresser next to the bed with electrical cords coming out of it? Dude's not stupid. He always says he doesn't care and he breaks out epic side-eye like "woman, you take me to a BDSM themed coffee shop where you know the owner. You tell me the names of the people portrayed in the art and what you had a conversation with them about in your apartment. I already know that the last guy you dated used to host orgies and that the guy who meets us at the movie theater a lot gives flogger lessons."
But still, opening the dildo drawer is different.
So I'm going through the cupboard dresser thing and I'm pulling stuff out:
- sinus meds
- glow in the dark glitter
- dog bowl
- dental dams
- glitter bra straps
- bloop stick
- flogger— oh shit! This should have gone to DeposedDespot in the divorce! I gave this to him for his birthday. Oh well.
- plastic flyswatters— oh hey! These would be great paddles! Oh, duh, that's why they're in here. Oh god. CBP assigned me to clean out the sex cabinet that I didn't recall had so many sex toys in it. I wonder if he did that on purpo... oh my god. This flyswatter is conference swag. From CBP's employer.