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Cutting a Parent Out

So, I think it's time I stopped speaking to my father. At least for a while if not permanently.

I got stuck at my dad and stepmom's because of the snow. Last night we got into an argument because he started complaining that I never talk to him, and I pointed out that he never asks me about anything that is going on in my life (I lived in Scotland for graduate school for nearly 3 years, and he literally didn't know which country I was living in all that time. I was visiting him once and a news story came on about Prince William and Duchess Kate, and I mentioned that they'd just come to visit my school and I'd heard the prince speak. To which my father replied, and this is an exact quote: "I don't care.") Since I've been back he's never once asked me about my current job, or my job hunt, or what I've been doing with my time. I pointed this out to him and told him that a "conversation" is not telling me to sit down and then turning on the YES network.

Today I really wanted to go home, so my father tried to help me dig out my car. For reasons unknown to me, he didn't want me to shovel the snow. After about 20 minutes he got tired of shoveling, and told me to forget it, and said I should just stay over with them another night. Not wanting to start a fight, I didn't argue, even though I was perfectly willing to shovel the snow myself. On the way back to his house I mentioned that I had a 10:30am therapist session the next morning, because he usually sleeps in, and I wanted him to know that I would be leaving the house before he woke up. He started yelling at me about canceling, and when I said I didn't want to cancel because she had a 24 hour notice cancelation policy, he freaked the fuck out.


Buses are running. The subway is running. The snow isn't that bad. There is literally no reason I should cancel, but he started screaming at me that someone who wouldn't accept a cancelation under the circumstances of a "snow storm" was obviously someone who doesn't care about their patients and that I'm stupid for seeing a therapist who would be so strict about their policy. Never mind that my father knows nothing about my therapist, because my father never ever ever asks me anything about my life. When I said that he had no right to tell me how to handle my own therapy sessions, especially since he really has no clue what is going on in my life, he basically said that the reason he doesn't ask me about my life is because I'm too stupid to have a conversation with. (Note these are not the exact words he used, but that is 100% what he meant.)

And this is kind of typical behavior. For the past 10ish years he's sort of mellowed. He had cancer and he joined a meditation group and started reading religious books. He certainly hasn't been as bad as he used to be. But when I was younger he used to fly off the handle at the drop of a pin. The second you did something differently from how he thought it should be done he would start screaming about how stupid you were. In fact the last time he did that to me was a few years ago, during another snowy period. He was driving me to the airport and I'd checked the flight status online instead of calling the airline. When he found out I hadn't spoken to someone at the airline he told me that of we got there and the flight was cancelled he would leave me to freeze at the airport.

Anyway, I dug my car out myself, and got home fine. My father called, not to apologize of course (and he's actually denying that he said anything wrong). I told him that I wouldn't speak to him until he thought about what he'd said to me, and offered an apology. But even if he does that... I'm just tired. I'm tired of being on the receiving end of these temper tantrums and insults.

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