Hello, my dears. The Dump is coming to you bright and early because I have some things to do tonight. Perhaps they do involve alcohol, perhaps they do involve those cigarettes I must soon part with, as one would a particularly disturbing yet beloved child, perhaps it will involve a video game where I kill things for the good of all the universe. Microbes on Mars, this night is yours.

You know what I love most about dumps? Sometimes, they're the only thing I've accomplished that day. And when you look closely, you can see the remnants of all those beautiful things that once came before you.

So here's what you may have missed in no particular order except the first thing, because still sad.

1. The grieving process remains, we've lost a beloved and brilliant woman last night. NinjaCate, you will always be guiding our thoughts. We expect great things from you, and by that I don't mean that you'll spend half a book stuck in a tent. You're smarter than that. Plan a sneak attack and overthrow the inter-sectional oppressions (also, Voldemort).

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2. GhostofCourtneyStoddensBoobs (I had no idea they had passed away, but I miss them already) wrote this educational post soap. It's more an art piece than anything else. Duchamp had his urinal, Madam CS's Boobs had soap. And we shall discuss them in intro to art classes forever.

3. HouseofWaxTadpole wrote this excellent piece about Maila Nurmi, the original goth. Finally, goths worldwide have someone to call mommy. And damn, she is a fascinating person.

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4. TAKE NOTE ALL: BloodyJenna fucking HATES YOUR BIRDS. As someone who grew up in the household of an ornery-as-fuck Monk Parakeet, I totally get this. Yeah, look at this adorable face. It'll be the last thing you see before it fucking pecks your eyes out and makes a nest of your skull.

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The fuck number am I on? Oh, right. 5. This is mostly a Dump of Shame. SorciaMacNasty, I expected a very different sort of boner discussion from you. Why must you always put dicks in my politics?

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6. FromBeneathYouItDevours is the only one of you who takes the dump seriously, and wrote this beautifully poetic post about the uncanny nature of the public bathroom, and the magical and fantasic things you might find. TRULY THIS IS WONDERLAND.

7 and 8. IHateEmo Gets a two-fer, for those of you keeping track. First, he would like to let you know that Scalia is still an Asshole. As of yet there are no plans for a single-server website for you to be able to check whether or not he animorphs into a full human being at some point, but maybe one day. Additionally, he got the job he wanted! Good job, Emo!

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9. ChasIGiveFullSizeCandyMosaur has the best title today: Upgrades, My Ass! Alas, this isn't about getting a sweet as shit cyborg derriere, but it's still a good read about why A. Owning property sucks and B. The Midwest sucks. But we all knew this.

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10. TyranosaurusBloodBack forgot to check whether or not someone is a right-winger before engaging. A lesson for all of us.

11. MoonBat82 is a Cannibal needs some comfort. We've got your back, lady. Gifs, ahoy! (Though we may need to talk about that cannibalism thing - are there that many other moonbats for you to subsist on?)

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12. KillKillKill is putting the murder spree on the backburner for a moment and is Preaching to the Goddamn Choir of my heart: Teachers get no fucking respect. Also she credits her pictures, showing that she is probably the most professional among us. So much murder, but she cites!

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13. JASON VORHEES

14. Well I'm not fucking ending it on 13 because I've seen enough of your western horror films, but let's all be as shocked as Zap: The Rowsdowers of Fate that the editors of Jez kind of apologized for Doug's inability to have both emotions and basic reasoning skills.

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There. Your fucking dump for the day, darlings. This was fun. The trick to getting it done in a relatively short amount of time is bookmarking the articles you like that day. Hint hint, wink wink, bye, bitches!