It's my friend's birthday soon, and she's been having a bit of a rough time so I want to make her laugh on her birthday. Pandas are pretty much her favorite thing and we've been watching Xiao Liwu grow up on the panda cam for like two years, so I wrote this for her during a meeting today. This is a rough draft and I'm insecure about showing it as such :) There are some...rough patches and some parts I couldn't figure out at all. Is anyone good at the musicks or have suggestions for any of it? I'm hoping to record it in time for her birthday.

It's to the tune (beat?) of "Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta" (from Office Space, if that helps). Help me GT, you're my only hope.

Damn It Feels Good to Be a Panda

Damn it feels good to be a panda
A real gangsta-ass panda climbs his tree high
A real gangsta-ass panda chews his mom with his teeth
'Cause real gangsta-ass pandas always start fights
And pandas always got a camera
Showin' all his fans how he got 'em
But real gangsta-ass pandas don't flex thumbs
'Cause real gangsta-ass pandas don't got 'em
And everything's cool in the mind of a panda
'Cause gangsta-ass pandas think deep.
Out three-sixty-five a year, 24/7
'Cause real gangsta-ass pandas love sleep.

And all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, hibernatin', salmon-eatin' prankstas
'Cause when the bamboo strips down what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a panda

Damn it feels good to be a panda
Fed by handlers who pay for all my bills
Although I shoulda been born in China
Now I'm in the US bein' chill
Damn it feels good to be a panda
I mean one that everybody knows
Climbin' around trees to the tip-top leaves
Crackin' branches wit my sharp-nailed toes
Now gangsta-ass pandas come in one shape and color
Many got killed in the past
But this panda here is a smart one
Avoided extinction and I'll last

And all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, hibernatin', salmon-eatin' prankstas
When the panda falls off what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a panda

Damn it feels good to be a panda
A real gangsta-ass panda loves to play
Real gangsta-ass pandas are the stars of the zoo
Ask that gangsta-ass panda Xiao Liwu!
Now fans look at gangsta-ass pandas like a stop sign
And say that he looks so sweet
But catch the panda all alone and try to woo him with a steak
And he'll dump it 'cause he don't eat meat
'Cause gangsta-ass pandas be the vegans
And everything's quiet in their pen
A gangsta-ass panda pulls the branch down
And his gangsta-ass mom ain't tellin' when
Real gangsta-ass pandas don't talk much
All ya hear is the crunch from the branches
And real gangsta-ass pandas don't run for shit
'Cause real gangsta-ass pandas got haunches
Now when you in the free world talking' shit do the shit
Hit the pen and let the other pandas thank ya
But pandas like myself kick back and eat trees
'Cause damn it feels good to be a panda

And now, a word from the resident!
Damn it feels good to be a panda
Growin' up in the Diego zoo
Always looking good to the people of the world
And when I'm hot I dunk in my pool
A So every now and then I start a fight with my mother
B Like when she tries to take my tree platform
A And sends me [I got nothin]
B But everybody loves Xiao Liwu.
So visitors of the zoo keep supportin' me
And I promise to grow very large
Other pandas better not upset me
Or I'll show 'em all again who's now in charge
To all you other panda fans, who brought me in
I'd sincerely like to thank you
'Cause now I got the world watchin' my panda cam
And damn it feels good to be a panda


And here's a panda moment for inspiration: