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Dating Thread?

I haven’t seen any of these in a while, and I’m grumpy and want to rant a little.

I had a second date with someone last night and I was actually kind of excited about it. We had just met for coffee previously, but it had gone really well, so we were going to do the whole shebang this time(dinner and an outdoor event).

It was going fairly well and then of fucking course we got back to politics. (We had already talked politics before, because you can’t not in 2017 and I had understood generally that he was a progressive democrat.) I can’t remember exactly how this started, but at some point in the evening, I found myself saying that line about how every single Trump voter may not be personally racist/sexist, etc. but they all found it okay to elect someone who is to the office of the presidency.


His response was, welllllll...does that mean that everyone who voted for Hillary was okay with corruption?

I promptly engaged in some outraged sputtering, and we were off into Hillary vs. Bernie-land.

Eventually we get back to Trump votes, and he starts making this argument about how it’s fine that racism(or the absence of it) is a determining factor in who I vote for, but conservatives have a different framework, whereby abortion=murder, so that’s why it determines their votes.

This is where I started getting genuinely angry, because no fucking shit dude? Of course I understand that, I don’t know a woman who doesn’t understand what Republicans think of abortion.


However, I am pretty damn comfortable saying that I believe my moral framework (which values anti-racism, anti-sexism,etc.) is not equivalent to someone who is anti-abortion. I’m perfectly willing to have a human conversation with an anti-choicer about our beliefs, but its crap to suggest I’m somehow required to keep an open mind.

He could tell I was getting upset, and started saying stuff about how he just wanted to have an intellectual debate, etc.


1. I am so, so sick of this brand of “debate.” This is my life and the lives of women and PoC across this country and it is the privilege of white dudes to treat these issues like an intellectual exercise and get upset when I get emotional.

2. This has been rehashed to death on GroupThink, but yes I do take Hillary criticism very personally at this point and I’m tired of apologizing for it.


She was not my preferred candidate for a lot of reasons, but as the campaign went on, I started identifying with her more and more. When Chelsea introduced her mother, I cried a little bit because that was Chelsea’s MOTHER, being introduced as a presidential candidate. Election Night in many ways felt like a personal rejection of my mother, the middle class professional woman who is Hillary’s age. It felt like a rejection of me, right at the point when I’m struggling to figure out my professional identity.

I think a lot of men, even so called progressive men, still do not get this. And that continues to hurt.

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