Radical acceptance is hands down the hardest unit to do and to explain. A lot of people get it wrong, and when I first heard about it it made me very angry. Like hulk smash angry.
I’ve talked about it before here with willingness and willfulness.
We’ve talked about it again, and I still struggle to describe it because well the word ‘acceptance’. It can feel like giving in, or being okay with how things happened. (Sometimes, certain evil books sell it that way because they also don’t really understand what it’s asking you to do.) That’s not it at all. It’s not about being okay with what happened to you, it’s more about accepting where you are with what happened. So being okay with how you feel about it.
There’s sentence on the new handout that gives the example of saying “it is what it is”. I hate this statement with a firey passion. Mostly because one of my exs would say this all the time to deflate any conversation. It also feels like giving in or giving up. New therapist told us to remove this statement from our sheets because it’s not helping. That felt freeing.
Radical acceptance is to acknowledge where you are and to be okay with where you are at this very moment. Don’t know where you are? That’s okay, where you are is that you don’t know where you are.
I am angry about so many things lately. It’s like I blocked out how angry I was for so long, and now it’s coming back that I am angry. Situations I couldn’t describe how I felt, I know at this very moment that I was angry or afraid.
I’m not okay with those things happening. They weren’t just things that happened. There wasn’t ‘a million things that lead to them happening.’ But I am 100% okay with the fact that I am angry about them. I wasn’t okay with being angry for a long time. I thought I had to let that anger go, or hide it, that anger was bad. That I was too good to be angry. That anger was shameful. That I needed to move on from anger. But no, I am accepting that I am angry. If I can accept that maybe I can move on. It okay for me to angry about _____________________________.
Basically fill in the blank for the last 9 years.
I’m gonna be okay with where I am. And anger is gonna be my driving emotion for a little while.